I don’t like animals much but somehow I ended up with two cats in my house. One is a orange male cat, Callum* and the other a smaller black female cat, Jasmine*. Callum, despite being larger and older, is a little bit of a wimp. Everything scares him, which I wouldn’t mind so much, except his reaction to scary things (like a piece of newspaper) is often to hiss and wail, and then refuse to pee. The latter, apparently, is extremely dangerous. Anyway, we do what we can to keep him calm, short of wrapping him in cotton wool, which frankly is probably going to freak him out anyway.
But then enters Matt*, a swaggering grey cat who decided that the outside of my house is his playground. Now, you should probably know that Callum is an indoors cat so he doesn’t get to go out much. So you can imagine Callum’s chagrin to discover Matt happily enjoying the great outdoors, literally outside Callum’s door.
Yesterday morning, Callum started howling. I’d just woken up because I’d forgotten it was a public holiday and so did my phone. In my grogginess, I was convinced Jasmine was in danger. Jumping out of bed, I rushed downstairs to see Callum hissing and howling at the window. Matt was here.
Here we have a hissing, howling, angry cat. Then you have me. I decided that the best course of action was not to go back to sleep, pick up Jasmine and lock her in the room with me or anything sensible like that. Instead, I decided that the best course of action was to pick up this angry cat.
Let’s just say he was not impressed by my decision making capabilities and he told me so by mauling my hand, then when I put him down, he emphasised his displeasure by mauling my leg.
It was just a mess of pain and blood. I washed my wounds, then googled ‘cat bites’.
NEVER DO THAT.
I made my sister drive me to a 24hours doctor who seemed more amused than anything. It was clear he hadn’t googled ‘cat bites’ before. Still he sent me to get my wounds treated and bandages, gave me some antibiotics, painkillers and an exorbitant bill.
A breakfast of toast and eggs rounded up my very exciting morning.